Screamers, Socrates, & Snarkiness From Yours Truly
The world is filled with sharp divides. And we like it that way. People in general, that is. In fact, if you could pick one defining trait of man, it's that we adore dichotomies. We identify ourselves by which side of the fence we are on, and the cleaner the cut, the more comfortable we become.
Comfort. Hm. An interesting word. I'll come back to it later.
So these divisions, right? They're often noisy and impenetrable. Those who jive in the Grey Midst in Between rarely get handed the mic. Screaming, charged-up, black-and-white rhetoric drowns out discussion until we slink away and mutter that we really didn't care all that much anyway and by God if those bullies want to trash the world they can have their go at it and what's a little person going to do about it anyway.
Since when did our culture become about the folks who were yelling the loudest?
Not naming any names *coughcough* Westboro Baptist *cough* politicians *coughcough* FoxNews *COUGH* CNN *wheeze*
Since always.
The internet has made it easier than ever. Twitter feed battles, Facebook wars, blog comment trash-talkers, trolls and pundits at every turn. Take your pick. The forums for "debate" (debacle, rather) are endless.
The sad thing is this - we who cringe at this bile, we who understand the Grey Midst, don't realize how many we number. How many people want to live in pursuit of truth, not just being "right." How many people see the idiots on the street with the "God Hates Fags" signs, shake our heads, burn at the soul, insist how we're not like that, yet go on our way as if nothing happened.
We in the Grey Midst are not as vocal as our friends on the fringes.
Still, truth can be the rally point that binds us, even when we disagree. If you and I disagree vehemently, but we both know that the other only wants to know the truth as much as we do, then we can brush away the jumble of personal grievances and emotions, make like Socrates, and do one simple (rather magical) thing.
Ask. Asking questions has this beautiful effect on a disagreement. It turns something from a nasty confrontation where something heavy or made of glass is liable to be thrown, into a gorgeous back-and-forth where you might even find the ground fit for friendship.
Ask.
Why do you say that?
What do you mean?
If this, then what?
Have you thought about...?
You want to know the answer, don't you? I mean, you can't learn anything if you assume you already know the answers to everything.
And know that you don't have to come to a conclusion RIGHT THEN. Suddenly, you are in a garden together, each taking turns working at the soil...not warring until the hills are crumbling and powder-shocked and everyone around you has raised brows and fled to the kitchen to open a second or third beer.
Give people an out when what they say is ridiculous. Give them a chance to correct themselves. Don't shove anyone into a corner where the inevitable conclusion is a wo/man gone Wolverine.
Unless you are a sociopath, there is always, ALWAYS something we can agree on. And the truth? Well, the Truth is always buried somewhere in the Grey Midst and it's never easy to dig it up.
The Grey Midst is where you discover. It's where you decide not to assume you know what someone believes. It's also where all of us are most uncomfortable, because it places us in a position of uncertainty. A position where we might - oh heaven forbid - might have to change.
Comfort. Hm. An interesting word. I'll come back to it later.
So these divisions, right? They're often noisy and impenetrable. Those who jive in the Grey Midst in Between rarely get handed the mic. Screaming, charged-up, black-and-white rhetoric drowns out discussion until we slink away and mutter that we really didn't care all that much anyway and by God if those bullies want to trash the world they can have their go at it and what's a little person going to do about it anyway.
Since when did our culture become about the folks who were yelling the loudest?
Not naming any names *coughcough* Westboro Baptist *cough* politicians *coughcough* FoxNews *COUGH* CNN *wheeze*
Since always.
The internet has made it easier than ever. Twitter feed battles, Facebook wars, blog comment trash-talkers, trolls and pundits at every turn. Take your pick. The forums for "debate" (debacle, rather) are endless.
The sad thing is this - we who cringe at this bile, we who understand the Grey Midst, don't realize how many we number. How many people want to live in pursuit of truth, not just being "right." How many people see the idiots on the street with the "God Hates Fags" signs, shake our heads, burn at the soul, insist how we're not like that, yet go on our way as if nothing happened.
We in the Grey Midst are not as vocal as our friends on the fringes.
Still, truth can be the rally point that binds us, even when we disagree. If you and I disagree vehemently, but we both know that the other only wants to know the truth as much as we do, then we can brush away the jumble of personal grievances and emotions, make like Socrates, and do one simple (rather magical) thing.
Ask. Asking questions has this beautiful effect on a disagreement. It turns something from a nasty confrontation where something heavy or made of glass is liable to be thrown, into a gorgeous back-and-forth where you might even find the ground fit for friendship.
Ask.
Why do you say that?
What do you mean?
If this, then what?
Have you thought about...?
You want to know the answer, don't you? I mean, you can't learn anything if you assume you already know the answers to everything.
And know that you don't have to come to a conclusion RIGHT THEN. Suddenly, you are in a garden together, each taking turns working at the soil...not warring until the hills are crumbling and powder-shocked and everyone around you has raised brows and fled to the kitchen to open a second or third beer.
Give people an out when what they say is ridiculous. Give them a chance to correct themselves. Don't shove anyone into a corner where the inevitable conclusion is a wo/man gone Wolverine.
Unless you are a sociopath, there is always, ALWAYS something we can agree on. And the truth? Well, the Truth is always buried somewhere in the Grey Midst and it's never easy to dig it up.
The Grey Midst is where you discover. It's where you decide not to assume you know what someone believes. It's also where all of us are most uncomfortable, because it places us in a position of uncertainty. A position where we might - oh heaven forbid - might have to change.
Those who roar the loudest are not to be feared, for they, of all, are most afraid.
They fear that if they quiet down for one split second, hear each other out, things might not be as simple as they'd like them to be. It might get complicated, change, or challenge. They might come to care about the other person. And they might have to change as a result.
As a small offering, one of my resolutions this year is to read at least ten books with which I completely disagree.
Even if, by the end, I still disagree, at least I will understand more fully. At least I will have quieted my human urges for a little while, seeing clearer what Truth happens to be, and sidling just a little closer to the Grey Midst.
Maybe, if we get close enough to the Grey Midst, it stops being so scary, so uncomfortable. Maybe there is a line that if we just leap over it, we see the Midst for what it is - a scattering of light and color so interwined, so slivered, and so infinite that to the naked eye, all we can see is Grey.
Maybe we won't ever get there. Maybe we'll get there right before our time is up.
Maybe, if we try, we can leave each legacy a little closer to it than the one before.
That's the beauty of the uncertain - it leaves us open to Truth.
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