The Obscure Little Things

The big questions in life usually tell little about the person in front of you, because they are the questions that most people expect. Everyone anticipates being interrogated on politics, religion, relationships, etc., thus they have their answers prepared. The script wherein which they play hero is infallible.

To really get to know someone, you have to find out what takes them aback. Poke at them a little bit. Jar them with an obscure, random little question that may or may not have meaning to you. If you can see a micro-expression of surprise, you have glimpsed the real person, the human behind the actor - if only for a moment.

Besides, whether you and I will get along does not usually hinge upon the linchpin of politics or religion or what-have-you. I have my ways of getting those out of you with little trouble in a casual setting. (People are more than willing to talk about themselves, I find.)

Nevertheless, it's the little questions, the little gestures in life that are most telling. And typically over a longer period of time. Anyone can pretend for a while - six months, a year, two years - but time has a way of thinning the veil of pretense.

Note that little does not always mean trivial. Inquiring on a favorite movie is a general question unless framed properly. Instead of, "Do you like movies?" we have instead the more insightful (at least to me), "Have you seen The Princess Bride?" (Correct answer: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.)

The Princess Bride has gads of meaning to me. If you also like it, you belong to that niche of 80s/90s nerds who enjoy swashbuckling, adventures, distinctly British humor, and can get on board with classic dichotomies of good vs. evil. If you like The Princess Bride, there is a part of you that doesn't take itself too seriously. That is a quality I like in my friends.

Not that we can't be friends if you have never seen The Princess Bride - merely that it is an oversight that we will soon rectify.

What would happen, I wonder, if people paid more attention to the little things? Would we pick better friends, better allies, better spouses?