A Supergirl and a Gentleman: How my Mom Raised Kids in a Gender-Empowering Subculture

My momma is the essence of femininity. Formerly a bank branch manager and single mom, she re-married and became a stay-at-home mother of 5 + a grandbaby.  She loves people, especially her family, and adores shopping. Even owning a head of fiery auburn hair, she has always indulged the most tasteful of pinks, ruffles, polka dots, and sequins, and in school was both cheerleader and top of her class.

Now, I considered myself a "tomboy" growing up, as soon as I learned the word. My momma...I'm sure she half-expected a pink-tu-tu-ed mini-me to come bouncing out of the womb, raring to be her shopping buddy. But God has a sense of humor.

I knew she secretly hoped that holding up different fabrics and textures, rolling gracefully through aisles of adornment, providing opportunities to garb myself in girl-wear, would eventually rub off.

It didn't. The jungle-explorer shorts and collared shirt with orange and green brontosaurs remained my favorite outfit.

Rather than fight it, however, momma did something that I knew was not easy for her, simply because she loved her child. She instinctively knew what many parents do not.

She let me wear the dinosaur outfit. Whenever I pleased. Which was a lot. Though she might occasionally suggest a particular gown or pair of hot pink leggings, it was never pressed  or implied that, "You are a girl. These are girls clothes. This is attached to your identity as a girl."

After one too many times of getting gum, dirt, and other nonsense in my thick mop of hair, mom made the call. Chop chop. Off it went. I was the envy of other 6-year-old princesses burdened by ropes of ladylike hair whose mothers worried about them looking "like boys."

In middle school, when all I wanted to wear was blue or green sweaters, or button up collared shirts, or jeans too long for my stub-legs, or the most flattening of sportsbras, momma never made me feel like this somehow made me less beautiful. But the breaking down of stereotypes extends well beyond just the clothes we let our kids wear. Our expectations seep into the words that we use, the activities we encourage, the games we play.

Momma and dad always told me I was lovely. But daddy also told me I was "strong and powerful...funny as a rubber crutch...smart as a whip..." Momma called me "supergirl," not just "princess."

As one educated at home, I was blessed with an uncomplicated childhood. No mean boys who told me I could not play legos with my brother. No mean girls taunted me for skipping make-up at age 13. Or derided for my Power-Ranger inspired karate moves. Or raised eyebrows at my siblings' collaborated memorization of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle song. (Turtle power!)

My brother was the middle boy of four girls. Well-meaning adults would chucklingly inquire how he survived. How did he survive? My mom encouraged him to be a gentleman, not just get a pass for acting out because "boys will be boys." The funny thing is, my siblings didn't always get along, but we did like each other quite a bit more than most siblings we observed.

I'm convinced it's because of my mom.

My mother was (and is) to me, the consummate nurturer. Never was there an implication that "girl things" were inferior, or "boy things" were lesser. They were all simply "people things." Things we could all enjoy together. As adults, my siblings and I are still best friends to this day. We shop for comic books together (and we all have our favorites), enjoy sci-fi and musicals alike, and eagerly share a continual renaissance education. Not one of us has any ridiculous gender-related, self-esteem side effects.

Momma raised us with a decided, intense ownership of personhood. Our sex was a circumstance, not our identity. Our interests were not decided ahead of us by our sex. Momma, I thank you for ever and ever and over the moon for the childhood you gave me.

Someday, when I'm married and have my own kids, I hope I can follow her example.

My sons will be artists and athletes.

My daughters will be explorers and princesses. 

And both will be superheroes.